The Orphan and Bus Problem
From Immwiki
A busload of nuns is hurtling towards a cliff. You can save them, but the absolute only way is by killing a single, terribly cute young orphan. How would the followers of various gods approach this issue?
- Aelin
- Aeolis followers would try to win the hearts of all of the nuns on the bus with their heroism before it crashed, and write poetry about their beauty afterward.
- Alil followers would get on the bus and try to get laid by all of the nuns as the bus careens off the cliff unhindered.
- Serachel followers would let the bus go over the edge, distract the orphan and push them over as well, and then paint a masterpiece depicting the victims' horror.
- Alatharya
- Enirra followers would ask the scale of Orlin what alignment the nuns and orphan were, and then gang up on the weaker one.
- Caladaran
- Alajial followers would preach to the bus about living in peace, then use the deaths of the nuns as an object lesson in why violence is never the answer.
- Chadraln followers would get three eye-witness accounts, write a succinct narrative, and give you an accurate measurement of the trajectory of the bus' descent.
- Jalassa followers would think about it for a while, kill the orphan for the betterment of society, then go meditate about it afterwards.
- Ch'taren
- Calaera followers would organize a militant task force to neutralize the threat, claiming the bus was a shuddeni plot.
- Rystaia Lightbringer followers would insist on saving both the nuns and the orphan, maybe save one or the other, and be secure in knowing they didn't compromise.
- Vaialos followers would lament the loss of the nuns and the orphan and keep their memory alive for the next six months.
- Ethron
- Elar followers would ensure that the trees at the bottom of the cliff were safe from the flaming wreckage.
- Lielqan followers would rush the orphan to safety, and accept that the nuns had lived a fulfilling life already.
- Nariel followers would chase the bus, shoot the orphan from its shadow, and anxiously anticipate the nuns' survival.
- Human
- Jolinn followers would get something to break the bus' fall, then heal the nuns and resurrect the orphan.
- Dolgrael followers would realize the bus itself was the greatest foe, push the orphan aside, and slay the bus in honorable combat.
- Lilune followers would kill all the nuns to ensure their blood waters the site of the new, orphan-based city.
- Kankoran
- Arikanja Blackfang followers would just not care about the whole thing, instead focusing on their own survival.
- Girikha followers would hide behind a tree and ambush the orphan, then write a song about a legendary kankoran vanquisher.
- Khanval followers would overrun the bus, kill everyone on it, and then laugh about how civilization had it coming.
- Nefortu
- Ayaunj followers would charge the nuns for the rescue, and then not pay the insurance out on the orphan's death.
- Bayyal followers would intensely hate both the bus and the orphan, then light them all on fire.
- Tzajai followers would develop a nonsensical and convoluted plan, and then flip a coin to determine what really happened.
- Shuddeni
- Arkhural followers would rob the nuns' corpses, murder the orphan who might oppose them, and proclaim themselves king of the cliff.
- Ashur followers would watch them all die, and hope that their deaths would usher in the end of the days.
- Rveyelhi followers would falsify evidence, mark all of the nuns, and declare the cliff New Yithoul when the bus crashed.
- Srryn
- Fenthira followers would tell the orphan and the nuns to fight to the death, and then ignore the survivor.
- Sitheus followers would let the bus crash, animate the corpses of the nuns, and let them feast upon the flesh of the orphan who damned them.
- Sythrak followers would realize the orphan and nuns were warmbloods, kill them all, and cook them over a bonfire built on the bus' wreckage.
- None
- Iandir followers would listen patiently to the dilemma, then do nothing because the cliff is not considered a lawful area.
